« Funny Story
1. Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor’s consulting-room.
“Doctor,” he said, “you must help me. I swallowed a penny and a levis jeans about a month ago.”
“Good heavens, man!” said the doctor. “Why have you waited so long? Why don’t you come to me on the day you swallowed it?”
“To tell you the truth, Doctor,” the poor man replied, “I didn’t need the money so badly then.”
2. Boy: Hi, didn’t we go on dates with nhl jersey before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
3. In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, “What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?”
“To be deaf,” replied the boy.
“Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.
“Why, sir! Don’t you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
4. A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: “What’s the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?”
The man: “We had a fight for gucci belt, and she told me that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month.”
Bartender: “That should make you happy.”
The man: “No, the month is up today!”
5. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
6. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want coach handbags.
7. The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. “Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Umm…How much for a season pass?”
8. Boy: Can I buy you a chanel outlet?
Girl: Actually I’d rather have the money.
9. Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I’ve been practicing all night.
10. Pete: “The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I’d ever done came into my mind.”
Bob: “Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from.”
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